In an effort to give a voice to the emotions associated with a person taking their own life myself and 2 friends have decided to put words to paper and try to work out some things. Our intention is not to entertain with this piece but to bring attention to the various sides of a suicide story.
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This is the story Jared, a gay young man who has taken his own life rather than dealing with the fall out from admitting his sexuality publicly. Through out you will also hear the side of his lover Ben and his mother Nola.
11/11/11….Jared
I thought it would be easy coming clean,
breaking the chains that bound me for so long. I tried to tell you who I am.
I’m coming out, but I’m still the same boy I’ve always been.
I heard you to talking about me, saying something wasn’t right…. that’s not true!
You always said to me that love is the most important thing….But not mine?
My heart is breaking. So unsure how to go on living, I’m so confused.
I found your pills. The ones that help you sleep. Will they help me?
I want to be free to love without condemnation. Will I be free?
I took the pills, too many…. I want to live! Is it too late?
One year later….. Mom…
They say it’s been a year, I would not know.
My life stopped when I answered that phone call .Nov 11 you died and my life stopped.
You only had 24 yrs to figure it out, no wonder you were confused.
You were always the gentle one. Your smile and laughter were so warm.
Baby boy I would have listened, I would have tried. I am so sorry, why did I not hear you?
Baby boy was this the only option?
Did you know what you were doing? That you killed us as well?
Did you mean to share your torment?
What do I care for tomorrow, I can’t find my way to yesterday.
The holidays approach and the empty chair will mock me.
Now cold dirt and marble are the center of my world.
It is too late!
Ben….
It’s a year later and my tears still fall on the ground where you lay.
I stood in this very spot at a distance and watched as your parents hearts gave way.
I watched them lower you into the ground because you couldn’t admit our love.
Dammit Babe, why did you do it? You know I would have loved you through it.
Why wasn’t my love enough to keep you safe?
You should have given us a chance, should have kept the faith.
Why couldn’t you see that our love could have kept you going?
Didn’t you know that losing you would make the wind stop blowing?
A year later and my pain and anger still rage on.
Why did you end it, in my arms you could have lived on.
Now it’s too late!
….Written in the memory of all those affected by suicide by Tamblerose, Frank Atkins and Niksniche
If You are in need of help for yourself or another
Please contact National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
...
This is the story Jared, a gay young man who has taken his own life rather than dealing with the fall out from admitting his sexuality publicly. Through out you will also hear the side of his lover Ben and his mother Nola.
11/11/11….Jared
I thought it would be easy coming clean,
breaking the chains that bound me for so long. I tried to tell you who I am.
I’m coming out, but I’m still the same boy I’ve always been.
I heard you to talking about me, saying something wasn’t right…. that’s not true!
You always said to me that love is the most important thing….But not mine?
My heart is breaking. So unsure how to go on living, I’m so confused.
I found your pills. The ones that help you sleep. Will they help me?
I want to be free to love without condemnation. Will I be free?
I took the pills, too many…. I want to live! Is it too late?
One year later….. Mom…
They say it’s been a year, I would not know.
My life stopped when I answered that phone call .Nov 11 you died and my life stopped.
You only had 24 yrs to figure it out, no wonder you were confused.
You were always the gentle one. Your smile and laughter were so warm.
Baby boy I would have listened, I would have tried. I am so sorry, why did I not hear you?
Baby boy was this the only option?
Did you know what you were doing? That you killed us as well?
Did you mean to share your torment?
What do I care for tomorrow, I can’t find my way to yesterday.
The holidays approach and the empty chair will mock me.
Now cold dirt and marble are the center of my world.
It is too late!
Ben….
It’s a year later and my tears still fall on the ground where you lay.
I stood in this very spot at a distance and watched as your parents hearts gave way.
I watched them lower you into the ground because you couldn’t admit our love.
Dammit Babe, why did you do it? You know I would have loved you through it.
Why wasn’t my love enough to keep you safe?
You should have given us a chance, should have kept the faith.
Why couldn’t you see that our love could have kept you going?
Didn’t you know that losing you would make the wind stop blowing?
A year later and my pain and anger still rage on.
Why did you end it, in my arms you could have lived on.
Now it’s too late!
….Written in the memory of all those affected by suicide by Tamblerose, Frank Atkins and Niksniche
If You are in need of help for yourself or another
Please contact National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
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